Sunday, February 27, 2011

I’m ok

Really, I am.  I threw my little tantrum and now I’m ok.  I think I just needed to get it out there.  I dress up in my “I can handle anything” costume and parade around in it and then one day I couldn’t find my costume anymore.  I have been keeping it all in for a long time and stewing over it and it’s out there and I’m fine.  We’ll get through it and I know it.

Doug asked me what a person who is already on anxiety/depression medication does when they are stressed and depressed more.  The answer is eat.  I have gained 5 pounds in the last two weeks and it must stop!

When Cameron was 7 weeks old (11/12/10), he had his first ABR – auditory brainstem response.  It is an electrical signal evoked from the brainstem by the presentation of a sound such as a click.  Basically, they send a sound in through the ear and measure the response with the electrodes placed on the head.  It usually takes about 2 or 3 hours.  It is totally painless, and effortless for that matter - they have to be sedated or asleep.  Ethan had 5 of them in his first year of life.IMG_6177IMG_6178IMG_6179IMG_6181It doesn’t hurt, Cameron was just really, really tired – just like he was supposed to be.  The audiologist told me things looked fine, but I found out later that her report showed a mild loss in the left ear.

Cameron has another one on Friday this week.  It should give us some more information about where we are with his hearing, or lack thereof.  I have noticed a significant decline in his responses.

In preparation for the ABR, I took the hearing aids to the audiologist last week and we had ear impressions made for earmolds.IMG_6699IMG_6703Cameron with Jess, the amazing audiologist, whose favorite color is also orange.

I was right about the ENT doctor visit.  I drove 7.5+ hours to see a doctor who sat down and said, “What can I do for you?”  I said, “I don’t know, why am I here?”  He said he didn’t know either.  He didn’t even want to look at the CT scan because he read the report already.  I told him that the radiologist who read it isn’t really an expert and suggested that perhaps he, the ENT, would like to take a look at it.  He told me to just hold onto it.  I asked if he needed to look in Cameron’s ears or anything and he said no.  He then proceeded to talk to me about the economy in Nikiski, of which there is none.  He talked about the Chevron plant closing and the fertilizer plant that closed a few years ago, halibut fishing, the Alaska oil pipeline and the potential future natural gas pipeline that has been talked about for 20 years, and a few other things I don’t care about, like politics.  He did, however, tell me that our family is a statistical anomaly. 75% of our children should not be deaf when each child only has a 25% chance of it – something I already knew and had kind of counted on.  He also threw in there that with the statistics, one of our children should also have Pendred’s Syndrome since it has also been associated with LVAS, which is what they have.  He was also kind enough to clarify why I should stop holding a grudge against the doctor who was supposed to do Ethan’s cochlear implants and then “quit” the day before we flew down.  It had been explained to me all wrong and I am glad to stop being mad about it.  Then I paid him $204 and drove home.

Here is Ethan showing the CT machine since I failed to take a picture while Cameron was IN the machine.DSCN0270
I have other, fun updates – like birthdays and my mom coming, but I only do what I can do in the time I have to do it.  I will share soon though, the pictures are too cute not to.


Nola said...

Cameron has such a perfect little face! Thanks for your openness and honesty. Good luck with all the future doctor visits. (PS-My mom can relate to your statistics problem. 66% of her children were born with a problem that should only affect 25%. Too bad statistics are pregnancy specific.)

Anonymous said...

He is SO cute! I'm glad you're feeling better and thanks for your support too. We'd love to see you here in Oregon! It always amazes me what each of us and our families have to go through. Such unique trials. But we'll get through them! :)

celeste said...

Wow he has beautiful eyes!

Amber said...

I've been thinking about you a lot since I read your last post. I remember crying like a baby after Andi's first ABR. I know what you mean about putting on the costume, although I do not have to drive so far, and I haven't had to go through the implant process. I've always thought you are brilliant and amazing. Actually, having never seen you get upset about the whole thing, I thought there was something wrong with me for being depressed. Good luck. I'm sure your kids will turn out great!

Angeline and Matt said...

I'm glad to hear your o.k. even if it is a costume, costumes can be fun to wear sometimes, and other times they are worn to hide ourselves from the world for a while, but in either case, your deepest thoughts and desires are being noted by someone far more important than all of us down here. He's aware of you, and loves you, and knows that you are truly amazing, it takes someone with a truly wonderful and strong spirit to go through the trials he's giving you. Love yah, and keep us posted, good or bad!

Anonymous said...

ha ha what a dorky doctor, both of them. But hey its always great to talk about the economy i try to remind myself that every day i go to my International Economics class where more dorks talk about making an across the board monetary policy or tariffs and quotas and custom markets and BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!! I am sure that that STUFF is important but i really don't care too much. I got certified as a phlebotomist yesterday which means now i make .02 cents more an hour. Rakin in the dough. hey we will see you guys in a week or two.

Greg Kirsten and Paxton