Saturday, October 4, 2008

Drunk on Ambien

Doug and I hired our first non-related teenage babysitter tonight.  Well, I guess once we hired one, but we stayed home while she watched the kids in the basement.  Other than family members, we have only had our closest friends watch the kids - but I don't think we have even done that since we've had Ethan.  Mandi, you're the only one who would know that, I think.  Did you watch Ethan?  I think by that point, I had reached my grumpy, antisocial point during and just after my masters where I didn't see or talk to anyone for about a year and a half.  Tonight we actually left the house!  Unfortunately, there is nothing to do here and all we did was go to Home Depot (but without any screaming or whining from our children).  Hot Date, I know.

My front yard has it's first snow of the year.  I got a GINORMOUS griddle in the mail the other day.  Early Christmas!  Thanks, Jim and Linda!

Last night, Nolan informed me at dinner, "I'n tired mommy."  Yes, "I'n," I did not misspell that.  So, I jumped at the opportunity of a lifetime and put him and Ethan in bed at 5:30.  What kind of a mother am I?  I turned a movie on for Brenden, got him some popcorn, and told him I was going to bed.  I am pretty sure Nolan and Ethan were still awake when I fell asleep, but they were in the safety of their child proofed, toy free bedroom.

This is where the drunk part comes in.  As Doug and I were headed home tonight, we were following a drunk driver.  I have never been drunk nor has a taste of alcohol ever touched my lips, but if being drunk is like taking an ambien, no thank you.  When I take an ambien, it hits me quick and strong.  Within 15 minutes, I have blurred vision, slurred speech, and require assistance to walk.  

When I was pregnant with Ethan, I couldn't sleep and took an ambien.  I had to hold onto the wall in order to make it to my bedroom and then decided it would be a great idea to change the batteries in my bathroom scale.  I don't remember it, but somewhere along the line, Doug's dad called me.  All I know is that we had some sort of jibberish conversation and then he told me I sounded tired and to go to bed.  Sometime later, Doug came home to find me sitting on my bed pushing the buttons on my scale and saying over and over, "I can't read the numbers."  Next is the part I actually remember.  Doug took the scale away from me and told me he was staying there in the room with me until I fell asleep.  I told him I needed to take my prenatal and brush my teeth and he wouldn't let me.  I was so mad that he did not understand how important that was and that I was not allowed to get out of bed.  I felt like I was 5.

So last night, knowing I needed some sleep, I took an ambien at 6:00.  I then washed my face, brushed my teeth, and took my other pills.  I put a "do not disturb - ambien in progress" sign on my door.  By this time, the staggering and blurred vision hit.  I staggered into bed and then realized I needed a drink.  It was a miracle I made it to the kitchen and back without falling flat on my face - and my bedroom door is attached to my kitchen, there isn't even a hall I have to go down.  I laid down and I was OUT!  A while later, Doug called and Brenden answered the phone.  He answered, "Daddy?" and then had a little conversation where Brenden told Doug my door said "do not disturb."  I have no idea what else happened.  A while later, Brenden came in to ask me a question and I guess I responded that Dad would be home soon, ask him.  I must have sounded ridiculous because Brenden told Doug how hilarious I was talking in my sleep.  To me it sounded alright, but then again people who have their wisdom teeth out think they are making perfect sense as well (clearing throat and mumbling: Jeremy, Greg, and Marinda - okay, mostly just Jeremy).

Now the unfortunate part about the ambien hitting so hard and so fast is that it doesn't last the 8 hours it is intended to.  By 10:45, I was wide awake - perhaps it was the fact that I also took a laxative - a combination I do not highly recommend nor did I initially intend.  I wanted to leave out that little detail of the story, but Doug just thought it was too funny that I took the 2 drugs together, he insisted I add it.  Doug had removed them by this time, but informed me I had had love notes from Brenden draped across my whole body when he got home (pictures follow).  So, I took another ambien and went back to bed.

We missed most of the morning session of conference today because we weren't prepared by 8:00 A.M.  I caught up at about Brother Uchtdorf's talk.  It sounded similar to the RS one, but something I could probably apply in my life.  It seemed like many of them were.  I realized that quite a bit of what we heard were things I say over and over in seminary, but fail to implement in my own life.  I really liked the idea that prayers are not a single occurrence, but one long conversation with God.  It sounded a lot like a blog to me!  I guess that is how I related it my own life.  I think we might be re-watching the morning session later or reading it in the Ensign.  It is hard to hear on the computer while there are children running rampant.  

Tonight when Doug and I got home, I had another love note from Brenden on my pillow, along with a box of raisins.  Better than a mint on my pillow, in my opinion.  He is such a thoughtful little boy.  I can count on at least 5 love notes a day, usually in different shapes, sizes, and forms.  My children, although monsters, are sometimes very sweet monsters.
If you can't read it, it says, "I love you. We love you Mommy and Daddy. I will give you a big hug mom and dad. From Brenden. To Mom and Dad." Followed by, I think I counted 12, I love yous. 

As long as I am scanning pictures, I had to share this one.  It is called "Dog Show."
To the left is a dog swimming, then there is a dog jumping through the hoop, one standing, one sitting up, a dog sitting down, and then a dog laying on his bed.


Anonymous said...

Thank you once again for providing comical entertainment for another sleep deprived Mom. You certainly live a fast paced life but three kids will do that for ya.

doug said...

I'm just waiting to be able to read your blog Jolynne! I know you have similar crazy antics that we need to hear about.

Emily Hurtado said...

People at work think I'm crazy. I sit at my desk and laugh as quietly as possible, which sometimes is really too loud. I can't wait for some first hand experience. Teach him how to spell Jared, Emily, and Halle so that he can write us an I love you note. So cute!

Jeremy said...


I just wished I could have heard the Zolpidem Tartrate Part Deux before my presentation last year! Comic relief all the time. All I have to say, is I am not the only one getting loopy!!!!! =)

Anonymous said...

Dear Doug-yes you are right, I could provide you with some very entertaining stories myself(most of which the main star is Isaac, many include the topic of poop some just injuries such as concussions, etc ). However I have sworn myself to never create a blog.(kind of like Tyler and cell phones) I don't know how long I will stick to this decision but I will let you all know as soon as I am lued into the blogger world.

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