More audiology woes, but this time, NOT the audiologist.

**Before you read this, please note I love my children and would not trade them for anything in the world, no matter how much grief they cause.  You will nearly never hear me discuss the challenges of having 2 deaf children AND being a sleep deprived seminary teacher, but every now and then, I just need to let it all out.  God only gives us the challenges we are fit to handle, right?  I think he got me confused with someone else.**

Monday Doug picked up Brenden's "fixed" hearing aid (I use the quotes because I'm not so sure I believe it is true).  So, Tuesday, I asked Brenden's teacher to send home his FM so I could make sure they were working together.  (An FM is a microphone device that transmits the sound straight from the teacher, or whatever is near the microphone, to his hearing aid and cochlear implant.)  She didn't get my email.  So, Wednesday, she emailed me and said she would send it home.  Near bedtime, I took the FM out of his backpack and asked Brenden for his hearing aid.  He said he didn't have it in and that he had left it in the living room.  So, I crawled around the living room acquiring piece after piece of the dismantled hearing aid (thank you, Ethan).  I found all of the pieces but the battery and the FM boot and shoe (ridiculous names, but that is how the FM is transmitted to the hearing aid - they are two very tiny pieces).  I was really freaking out about the battery because if Ethan swallowed it, he could, well, here this website says it better than me:

Swallowed batteries can tear or burn the throat (esophagus). If the battery has poisoned the child, there may be pain, vomiting, or bleeding. The airway can be obstructed, organs can be damaged by poisoning, and in rare cases, death can occur.

So, I crawled around for a while more and called Doug to see if he would be home shortly.  I continued to crawl around the living room, then proceeded to the dining room, kitchen, up and down the stairs, through the boys' room (with a flashlight), and throughout the whole house - now I know the downside to a 3300 sq. ft. home - I always thought it would be the cleaning.  

Finally, I was relieved to find the battery, but the FM pieces were still missing.  I was less concerned about those except they belong to the school district and cost around $2600.  By this time, Brenden had gone to bed, so I woke him up and asked him where the pieces were and he shrugged and went back to sleep.  I asked if he would rather we throw the hearing aid away and he said, "Yes, then do I get 2 implants?" (he hates his hearing aid, I think because he gets little to no benefit from it).  

Then Doug came home.  He helped me search for a little while and then woke up Brenden to come help us.  By this time, Nolan was also up and on the hunt with the flashlight.  I think Nolan was more help than Brenden.  Brenden's form of searching involves sitting in one place and crying - no matter what we are searching for.  Finally, after nearly 4 hours of searching, we went to bed.  (I was mostly mad because I missed 4 hours of the very little precious sleep I get - usually only about 5 hours.)

The next morning, I called Brenden's Deaf Educator and his teacher and told them the shoe and boot were lost and he would not be wearing them.  I was preparing Ethan to go get an x-ray, incase they were ingested.  I put away breakfast and opened my pantry.  My pantry has spice racks on the doors.  I glanced down and in the very bottom compartment, there were no spices, but 2 pieces to an FM.  Ethan's favorite spot to play is in the spices (as I mentioned in the post with the picture of the green face).  I had opened all of the other cupboards the night before, but not the pantry.

We headed out to the car and there was some sort of charger on my front lawn.  I thought maybe it belonged to one of Doug's power tools and put it in the garage.  We drove quickly to Brenden's school and got all of his gear up and running (funny quick side note: when we lived in Pocatello, one day at church a little boy in my Sunday school class asked me why my son got to wear spy gear to church every Sunday).  His teacher then mentioned that the charger for the microphone part of the implant was not in Brenden's backpack.  I had totally forgotten about the charger in the lawn at this point and told her sorry, I didn't have it.  Then it occurred to me.  So I packed the little boys back into the car, drove the 20 minutes home, got the charger and drove back.  The charger, by the way, was covered in frost, leaves and dirt - it too belongs to the school district.  It must have fallen out of Brenden's backpack the day before.  (Another side note: by this point, it was 10:30 and only 28 degrees!)

So, now Doug is in search of a high school student to hire to watch the children so I can actually get something done.  My elliptical and treadmill have been virtually untouched since we moved, the house is a mess, and I am a sleep deprived, moody mom.  Consider this a "Help Wanted" ad.  (Although I refuse to hire anyone because I feel like less of a person for not being able to handle it all myself - it is my full time job after all).

Help Wanted 

Job Requirements:  Must be able to cook 3 square and evenly balanced meals a day, clean, play monster trucks and dinosaurs.  Must be able to read aloud tongue twisting Dr. Seuss Books for several hours on end without any interruptions or pauses for water to quench the dry mouth caused by such task.  Must be an expert in hearing devices and education of children wearing such devices.  Must be able to balance checkbooks and pay bills on time.

Tasks: Potty train a stubborn 2 year old, keep a 1 year old from eating or throwing everything in sight, and make a 5 year old responsible enough to keep track of the small items that should be attached to his head.  Teach values and decipher lies from truths.  Homework help and additional meaningful educational experiences for the children are required on a daily basis.  Grocery shop in town with three children and leave the store with sanity still in tact.  Flawlessly coordinate the sleeping habits (naps and bedtime) of two children who share a room with meals and bus stop pick-up and drop off.  A parent led Friday preschool would be a desirable addition.  Some occasional "just for fun" activities desired, but not required.

Pay: Nothing, nada, zip, zilch.  

(I suppose except for the gratification of seeing your children grow and progress everyday from your efforts - oh, and watching them sleep - that is when it all seems worth it.  Can't forget the sweet, constant "I Love You.")